Dark Inside

I breathe slowly
     in
     out
I’m pretty sure I have to do it
On the outside

I smile

     My cheeks are bright
     I know I can do it
On the inside
     I squint in judgment
     My smile fades
     I’m pretty sure I can’t do it
I didn’t mean to be so dark
I meant to write about reasons something happy
     but the topics seemed so weak
There was a story in the dark
in the things we shouldn’t say
     out loud
But I said it
     did you hear me?
The dark words came spilling out of my mouth
I apologized to you
     it wasn’t about you
Did you agree with me?
I shouldn’t have said it
I am happy
Why does the dark creep in?
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